AE Workshop Intensive · Canada · Pre-workshop discovery
What both rooms are bringing
A shareable summary of 65 anonymous responses — 35 from the sisters, 30 from the brothers — to the two pre-workshop discovery surveys.
What this page does and does not show
Everything here is counts and shares. No one’s own words appear on this page. The surveys promised anonymity, and a number of the written answers describe situations specific enough to identify the person to anyone who knows them, so the free text is held separately rather than published.
That includes the questions people submitted for Sh. Abu Eesa. Those are summarised by topic below, which is the part that shapes teaching; the questions themselves are not reproduced.
23 responses — 12 from the sisters, 11 from the brothers — have been flagged as needing follow-up from a person, one of them urgently. The detail sits with Ridhwaana and the care team, not here. Because the surveys are anonymous, no one can contact these respondents directly, so the response is a decision about who is on hand during the weekend.
What the weekend needs to cover
What they want from the weekend
Each person picked up to 3. This is the teaching brief.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fixing my relationship with Allah | 15 | 43% | 14 | 47% |
| Anger, patience and self-control | 17 | 49% | 6 | 20% |
| Raising children with iman | 21 | 60% | 0 | 0% |
| Being a present, involved father | 0 | 0% | 15 | 50% |
| Leading a household spiritually | 0 | 0% | 15 | 50% |
| Becoming a better husband | 0 | 0% | 14 | 47% |
| Purpose, direction and priorities | 0 | 0% | 13 | 43% |
| Practical fiqh for family life | 9 | 26% | 4 | 13% |
| A spiritual reset | 5 | 14% | 7 | 23% |
| Healing from something I'm carrying | 10 | 29% | 2 | 7% |
| Purpose and identity beyond my roles | 10 | 29% | 0 | 0% |
| Becoming a better wife | 8 | 23% | 0 | 0% |
| Sisterhood and community | 4 | 11% | 0 | 0% |
| Preparing myself for marriage | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
What they are actually asking about
Every question submitted for the Shaykh, grouped by topic. The questions themselves are not reproduced here.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Purpose, direction and discipline | 1 | 3% | 7 | 23% |
| Capacity, burnout and time | 4 | 11% | 2 | 7% |
| Marriage — respect, anger and repair | 2 | 6% | 3 | 10% |
| Raising children with iman | 4 | 11% | 1 | 3% |
| This stage of life | 1 | 3% | 3 | 10% |
| Marriage — communication and closeness | 2 | 6% | 2 | 7% |
| Parenting teenagers and adult children | 2 | 6% | 1 | 3% |
| Money, provision and work | 1 | 3% | 2 | 7% |
| Fiqh and navigating differences | 1 | 3% | 2 | 7% |
| Community, service and isolation | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| Caring for aging parents | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| Anger, patience and self-control | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Consistency in worship | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Relationship with Allah | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Parents and childhood hurt | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Divorce and its aftermath | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Leading a household spiritually | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| Roles, qiwamah and expectations | 0 | 0% | 2 | 7% |
| Estrangement and family rupture | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
| Purpose and identity beyond my roles | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
| Holding dunya and akhirah together | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
| In-laws and extended family | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
| Tarbiyah and finding a mentor | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
| Motivation and drift | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
How each room is doing
Where they are right now
Single choice. The mood of each room.
Reduced to the leading state word; the full option text is longer and is worded differently on the two forms.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Overwhelmed | 16 | 46% | 7 | 23% |
| Lost | 4 | 11% | 5 | 17% |
| Stuck | 5 | 14% | 3 | 10% |
| Drifting | 2 | 6% | 7 | 23% |
| Misaligned | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
| Rebuilding | 5 | 14% | 3 | 10% |
| Climbing | 3 | 9% | 4 | 13% |
Gap between what they know and what they practise
Select all that apply.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Quran | 19 | 54% | 16 | 53% |
| Salah - consistency or quality | 18 | 51% | 14 | 47% |
| Time and priorities | 19 | 54% | 9 | 30% |
| My character at home | 15 | 43% | 10 | 33% |
| Staying consistent with anything | 14 | 40% | 8 | 27% |
| Raising children with iman | 11 | 31% | 11 | 37% |
| Sins I keep returning to | 9 | 26% | 9 | 30% |
| Praying in the masjid with jama'ah | 0 | 0% | 18 | 60% |
| Staying consistent with worship around my cycle, pregnancy or postpartum | 15 | 43% | 0 | 0% |
| Rights and duties of marriage | 7 | 20% | 6 | 20% |
| Isolation from the community | 6 | 17% | 6 | 20% |
| Halal income, debt and finances | 5 | 14% | 6 | 20% |
| Lowering my gaze and what I consume online | 0 | 0% | 10 | 33% |
| Caring for everyone else leaves nothing for my own worship | 7 | 20% | 0 | 0% |
| Work leaves nothing for my own worship | 0 | 0% | 6 | 20% |
| What I consume online | 6 | 17% | 0 | 0% |
| My character outside the home | 4 | 11% | 0 | 0% |
| Knowing what's authentic | 3 | 9% | 0 | 0% |
| Other (written in) | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
Hardest thing in the marriage right now
Up to 3 each. The two forms offer different options, so some rows apply to one cohort only.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Parenting disagreements | 8 | 23% | 7 | 23% |
| Nothing major - good to excellent | 7 | 20% | 4 | 13% |
| Being emotionally present, not just physically home | 0 | 0% | 11 | 37% |
| Time - work takes the best of me | 0 | 0% | 11 | 37% |
| Leading my family spiritually - I don't know how | 0 | 0% | 10 | 33% |
| Communicating - I shut down | 0 | 0% | 9 | 30% |
| Financial pressure of being the provider | 0 | 0% | 9 | 30% |
| In-laws and extended family | 6 | 17% | 2 | 7% |
| The mental load - I carry the whole household in my head | 8 | 23% | 0 | 0% |
| Physical intimacy | 5 | 14% | 3 | 10% |
| Anger and how I react | 6 | 17% | 0 | 0% |
| Communicating - I don't feel heard | 6 | 17% | 0 | 0% |
| Anger and how I react when provoked | 0 | 0% | 6 | 20% |
| Different levels of religious practice | 3 | 9% | 3 | 10% |
| Resentment from the past | 2 | 6% | 4 | 13% |
| Feeling unappreciated for everything I do | 5 | 14% | 0 | 0% |
| Money and financial stress | 5 | 14% | 0 | 0% |
| Other (written in) | 2 | 6% | 2 | 7% |
| I don't know what qiwamah actually requires of me | 0 | 0% | 4 | 13% |
| Feeling emotionally alone even when he's in the room | 4 | 11% | 0 | 0% |
| ADHD symptoms | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
How they learn best
Select all that apply. Shapes how to run the room.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Direct, blunt talk | 26 | 74% | 25 | 83% |
| Stories and real examples | 23 | 66% | 26 | 87% |
| Step-by-step frameworks | 27 | 77% | 19 | 63% |
| Practical exercises to take home | 18 | 51% | 16 | 53% |
| Open Q&A | 14 | 40% | 13 | 43% |
| Small group discussion | 8 | 23% | 4 | 13% |
| Quiet time to reflect | 8 | 23% | 3 | 10% |
Who is in the room
Felt in the last couple of years
Select all that apply.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Time running out on things I wanted to do | 27 | 77% | 19 | 63% |
| My body and health changing | 23 | 66% | 16 | 53% |
| Restlessness I can't explain | 14 | 40% | 8 | 27% |
| Questioning what my life has amounted to | 13 | 37% | 8 | 27% |
| Wanting to make a big change | 13 | 37% | 6 | 20% |
| Comparing myself to peers who travelled or built careers | 12 | 34% | 0 | 0% |
| Resentment about goals I set aside | 0 | 0% | 9 | 30% |
| Resentment about an education or career I set aside | 6 | 17% | 0 | 0% |
| A pull toward things I know aren't good for me | 0 | 0% | 5 | 17% |
| Comparing myself to others my age | 0 | 0% | 4 | 13% |
| None of these | 2 | 6% | 1 | 3% |
| I gave twenty years and it was never recognised | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Not knowing who I am now the children need me less | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
Current situation
Select all that apply.
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Employed full-time | 10 | 29% | 20 | 67% |
| Self-employed or business owner | 8 | 23% | 13 | 43% |
| Caring for elderly parents | 10 | 29% | 3 | 10% |
| Working part-time | 12 | 34% | 0 | 0% |
| Full-time at home | 9 | 26% | 0 | 0% |
| Main earner for my household | 4 | 11% | 0 | 0% |
| Student | 3 | 9% | 0 | 0% |
| Other (written in) | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| Currently pregnant or postpartum | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Recently moved or immigrated | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Living alone | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Shift work or irregular hours | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
| Between jobs | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
| Unemployed | 0 | 0% | 1 | 3% |
| Homeschooling mum | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
Age
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 25–29 | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| 30–34 | 3 | 9% | 2 | 7% |
| 35–39 | 15 | 43% | 7 | 23% |
| 40–44 | 7 | 20% | 13 | 43% |
| 45–49 | 7 | 20% | 5 | 17% |
| 50–54 | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
| 55–59 | 1 | 3% | 1 | 3% |
Children
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 0 | 3 | 9% | 3 | 10% |
| 1 | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| 2 | 12 | 34% | 12 | 40% |
| 3 | 12 | 34% | 7 | 23% |
| 4 | 4 | 11% | 6 | 20% |
| 5 or more | 2 | 6% | 2 | 7% |
Marital status
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Married | 29 | 83% | 30 | 100% |
| Divorced | 3 | 9% | 0 | 0% |
| Single, never married | 2 | 6% | 0 | 0% |
| Widowed | 1 | 3% | 0 | 0% |
Is their spouse also on a path of learning?
Table view
| Answer | Sisters | % | Brothers | % |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| We're both actively learning | 17 | 49% | 17 | 57% |
| Mostly me | 10 | 29% | 5 | 17% |
| Neither of us consistently | 2 | 6% | 6 | 20% |
| Mostly my wife | 0 | 0% | 2 | 7% |
How they rate themselves as a spouse
Summary only. The two forms use different scales, so the shares are comparable and the raw numbers are not.
Sisters — 1 to 10
Average self-rating 6.8 out of 10 (68% of the scale), across 28 who answered.
Brothers — 1 to 5
Average self-rating 3.3 out of 5 (66% of the scale), across 28 who answered.
Until the evening of 25 Aug this question read “1 to 10” above a 5-star field, so earlier answers read low.
