الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ نَحْمَدُهُ وَنَسْتَعِينُهُ وَنَسْتَغْفِرُهُ وَنَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شُرُورِ أَنْفُسِنَا وَمِنْ سَيِّئَاتِ أَعْمَالِنَا”
مَنْ يَهْدِهِ اللَّهُ فَلَا مُضِلَّ لَهُ وَمَنْ يُضْلِلْ فَلَا هَادِيَ لَهُ
“وَأَشْهَدُ أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ وَأَنَّ مُحَمَّدًا صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَبْدُهُ وَرَسُولُهُ
“All praise is to Allah. We praise him, we seek His help, His forgiveness, and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil within ourselves and of our actions. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide him. Whomsoever Allah leads astray, none can guide him.
I testify there is no God but Allah alone, without any partners, and that Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is His servant and messenger.”
Welcome to the Friday Khutbah! A new weekly series as part of the AlMaghrib Journal, based on sermons delivered by our esteemed instructors! We hope you find it beneficial!
Marriage is half of our Deen, and choosing the person who will share that journey with you is one of the greatest decisions you ever make.
Yet many of our youth today are disheartened, even fearful of the idea of marriage. We find across communities that the rate of marriage keeps sliding while divorce is rising.
Much of this fear comes from hearing only horror stories: broken homes, betrayal, abuse, and much more.
Yet we hardly talk about the many positive, happy, and loving marriages around us, because healthy marriages don’t make headlines.
It is important in these times to not be disheartened by what we see around us and to have husn ad-dhann (good opinion) of Allah. As He has told us in a hadith qudsi:
“I am as My servants expects of Me. If he thinks good of Me, he will have it. If he thinks evil of Me, he will have it.”
[Sahih ibn Hibban]
The question is, how do our young people today find the right spouse for them?
Here are eight principles for you to keep in mind when seeking a potential spouse:
1. Piety Is the Non‑Negotiable Foundation
The Messenger ﷺ said:
“The life of this world is enjoyment, and the best enjoyment is a righteous spouse.”
[Sahih Muslim]
From these statements we learn that taqwa is not a luxury add‑on; it is the bedrock upon which all other qualities rest.
If the person standing before you ignores their obligations towards Allah, then every other attraction; beauty, wealth, lineage is worthless.
Likewise, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (R.A) famously said:
“Marry your daughter to a man who fears Allah; if he loves her he will honor her, and if he dislikes her, he will never wrong her.”
A God‑fearing husband or wife safeguards your honour in the best and worst of times, whether the passion between you is high or low, because they are always mindful of Allah.
2. Let Heart and Mind Walk Together
Attraction is a key part of marriage, and must be considered, but it goes beyond physical appearances.
Outward beauty fades, but character and personality, they last a lifetime.
You must ask yourself two questions at the same time:
Does my heart lean toward this person?
Do I respect this person’s character and conduct?
Too many marriages collapse over people chasing desires instead of reason.
3. Do not expect a post-nikkah transformation
“He will start praying after marriage.”
“She will wear her hijab eventually.”
These assumptions lead to disastrous marriages.
Like buying a house, hoping the foundations will magically fix themselves.
Yes, all of us are imperfect, and everyone has room to grow, but having the foundations of your faith in place is a non-negotiable.
If your prospective spouse cannot change for the sake of Allah, do not expect them to change for you.
4. The “Opposites Attract” Myth
Outward contrasts; tall with short, introverted with extroverted, may be charming, but that does not mean all opposites attract.
Different temperaments, values, and levels of eman can often spell disaster in a relationship.
Make sure there is alignment in those areas first, and the rest will follow.
5. Be Brutally Honest Before the Contract, Not After
Concealing essential truths; debt, diseases, prior marriages, children, is a form of treachery, because you have stolen your spouse’s right to informed consent.
Some of these issues may be sensitive and hard to admit, but if you know a present issue or even a past sin will negatively affect your potential spouse, it is your responsibility to inform them.
Whatever could harm your future spouse later must be revealed now.
6. Consent Cannot Be Coerced
Parents, you may advise, guide, and even plead, but you can never *force*.
Unfortunately we find forced engagements even in our communities today. “Marry your cousin or lose my financial help.”
Such pressure hollows out the blessing Allah places in a union.
When a young woman once refused every suitor her father brought, the Prophet ﷺ supported her right to understand her duties before she agreed.
Consent is not a cultural courtesy; it is a principle of our Deen.
7. Seek Compatibility, Not Perfection
In a famous hadith, the Prophet ﷺ listed four motives that often drive marriage:
wealth, lineage, beauty, and religion
He ﷺ did not dismiss the first three; he simply prioritised the fourth.
The more overlap you share in education, culture, life goals, even sense of humour, the more tranquillity you will find.
Perfection, however, belongs in Jannah.
Look for someone whose shortcomings you can live with, so long as their foundations in faith are strong, and whose strengths complement yours, then anchor your hearts in shared obedience to Allah.
8. Du’a and Due Diligence
After everything, pray and investigate.
Perform Salat al-Istikhara regularly, begging Allah to guide your heart, and then do your homework.
Ask elders, friends, and teachers about the prospective spouse’s real life, and do not simply take things for granted.
Those few conversations today can save you from years of grief.
When Allah opens a door, enter it with confidence; when He closes one, walk away with gratitude.
And remember the Quranic du’a:
“…Our Lord, grant us from our spouses and offspring a comfort to our eyes, and make us leaders for the righteous.”
[Quran 25:74]
May Allah bless every seeker with a partner who turns the home into a sanctuary of love, mercy, and mutual taqwa, and may He make our choices a pathway to Paradise.
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